Okay, so your wife is in labor and you’re on the way to the hospital. She’s screaming, “Go faster! Faster!” Then, in the next breath, she shouts, “Slow down! Slow down! Quit hitting all the bumps in the road!” For good measure, she throws in, “Why did you do this to me?”

 

It’s becoming pretty clear that the baby is coming, and you’re not going to make it to the hospital in time. What should you do?

 

Look guys, this one is very tricky. Let’s really pray that we never have to actually do this on our own. But if, for some crazy reason, it does happen, remember the acronym: G.A.M.E. O.N.

 

Get help. Call 9-1-1 from your cell phone. Enlist the help of others passing by.

 

Assess the situation. Are there any problems you need to tell the EMTs when they get there? Like, is she having twins? Is the baby breech (coming out feet first)?

 

Maintain your composure. This is your chance to be a hero. Don’t freak out. Childbirth is painful, loud, messy and scary. Your primary role is to comfort and reassure your wife, no matter how nauseated you feel.

 

Encourage her. Talk to her. Tell her to breathe. If she feels like pushing, ask her to pant instead.

 

Open a jacket, blanket, or newspaper for her to sit on.

 

Now! Wait until the contractions are really strong and the baby is starting to come out (crowning). Your wife needs to push when contractions are strong and rest at other times. When the baby’s head comes out, cradle it in your hands and move it slightly downward as she pushes. (If the umbilical cord is wrapped around the head or neck, gently work it free.) Clear the baby’s mouth of any obstructions. Help the shoulders to ease out one at a time. Once both shoulders are clear, the baby should slip right out like a greased watermelon. DON’T DROP THE BABY! Wrap the baby in a clean blanket or shirt and gently lay it on Mommy’s chest. (Don’t try to pull out the placenta. If it comes out on its own, wrap it in a newspaper or towel and keep it above the level of the baby’s head until help arrives. Do not cut the umbilical cord.) You did it, big boy. The EMTs should be there any moment. Keep mom and baby warm and dry.

 

These “How-To” instructions are taken from How to Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak and Become a Real Man (Tyndale) by Stephen James and David Thomas. To order the book click here!